Chapter 13 - The Rhythm of Waves
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.”
― Rumi
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Since Nathan left, Brooke turned to Mom for some instructions on how to manage her finances. I watched TV, but I still overheard some of the discussion, especially Brooke’s frustrations. I hadn’t realized what Nathan did to run the household.
Then, I received a text from him:
Nathan: Are you keeping her out of trouble?
Was he serious? He left her in such a mess.
Me: What do you think?
Nathan: Thanks. I knew I could count on you.
Was this a joke to him? I was about to add more, probably unkind things, and he texted again.
Nathan: Sorry to leave you with so much worry. But I have some serious difficulties that I need to take care of. Bye.
Should I be pissed off or concerned, I couldn’t decide, but the brief messages left me shaken.
An hour later, Brooke’s phone rang, and she answered. An angry, upset voice erupted from it for everyone to hear.
Brooke retorted, “No, I don’t know where he is. You were supposed to be watching him.”
Mom prompted her to put the phone on the speaker. “Hello, Brenda? What’s going on?”
Over the next several long minutes, we learned that Nathan and Monika had dropped out of school at eighteen and had run away. Brenda wanted to yell at someone, but none of us knew anything about it.
For the next few days, Brooke stayed in her room, either snapping at everyone who approached or retreating into a dark corner of her mind. “Keep her out of trouble” was what I promised, so I did my best.
Out of the kindness of her heart, Keisha reserved a secluded beach house. A week of sun, sand, waves, and ocean air with friends might do her good. Of course, I went with them, but Brooke begged for Mom to come with us, too.
As Mom drove us to our destination, Brooke’s excitement filled the car, singing to the music on our playlist. With a bit of coaxing, Keisha and I joined in. With the energy Brooke radiated, we were ready for fun on the beach.
On the final stretch to the beach house, a half-mile of dunes and brush separated the houses along the road. A short, gravel driveway led to the modest one-story home, which was situated with the ocean roaring in the background.
When we arrived, Brooke ran in first and immediately claimed one of the two bedrooms for Keisha and herself. Keisha commented, “I guess that leaves Grace with the other bedroom and Jake with the couch.”
Mom said softly as we unloaded, “That will be okay if Jake shares the room with me. We are used to it.”
Keisha glanced at us for a moment but didn’t say anything. Brooke was already dragging her off to the bedroom to get changed. That left Mom and me to finish unloading the car. Brooke popped out of her room as I came in with the last load. She was ready to go, her long blond hair tied back and wearing a red and white striped bikini.
“C’mon, Jake, aren’t you ready yet?”
“Mom and I were unloading stuff. Where were you?”
She stepped forward to help Mom put things away. “Hurry and change while I help Grace.”
Keisha casually moved out of their room wearing a blue bikini and smiled at me while I rushed into Mom’s room. I hurriedly changed, and Keisha was standing in the same place, waiting for me when I came out. She scanned me over slowly and motioned for me to turn around.
“What’s wrong? Did I miss something?”
Not bothering to meet my eyes, her lips curved in satisfaction. “Nothing at all.”
Instantly, Brooke popped up beside me. “Keisha! You were supposed to tell me when he was done, not when you were done ogling him!” A playful grin spread across her face.
Grabbing me by the hand, Brooke rushed me to the beach. “C’mon, y’all, let’s go have some fun.”
In the back, several lounge chairs lined one side of the deck, and a picnic table sat on the other side. A boardwalk extended the deck towards the beach.
Once we stepped onto the hot sand, Brooke ran down to the water. As I followed her, I got splashed with a spray of water, and she laughed. I tried to splash back, but she was running somewhere else. Where did she get all this energy?
We chased each other around, and I would retreat deeper. Keisha caught up with us, and only she braved the deeper waves and chased me. When I retreated towards the shore, Brooke had somehow managed to jump onto my back and put her arms around my neck.
“Ha! I got ya!”
I tried to throw her off, but she held on tightly. So, I headed back into the waves.
“Hey! Turn around!” She kicked her knee into my bum, but that didn’t stop me.
“Oh no, you don’t!” she yelled as I threw myself backward into the waves.
She let go, and we both scrambled back to shore.
“That was a cheap move!” she yelled at me.
“Like jumping on my back? You never gave me any warning.”
“Since when do I need to give you—”
Faster than she could finish, I grabbed her and threw her over my shoulder.
She began pounding her fists on my back. “Put me down!”
I smacked her bum, which was pointing up. “Hush up.”
That only made her scream louder. Brooke began to pound on my back as I walked toward the deeper waves. “Jake! Put me down now!”
I smacked her bum again, “Just a moment, and you’ll get your wish.”
“Jake!!!”
When the waves were deep enough, I threw her off my shoulder and into the waves. The waves began washing her toward shore, and I took several steps in that direction. My feet were swept out from under me by Keisha, who had just ambushed me. As we tumbled onto the sand, Brooke jumped on me and pinned me. “I win!”
“I surrender.” I lay back down as Brooke and Keisha enjoyed their triumph.
Brooke continued to play on the beach all afternoon, and we tried to keep up with her, but she seemed determined to use up all the sunlight pouring down on the beach.
By dinner time, we were exhausted. Even Mom, lying on the back deck, said watching us wore her out. We ate, laughed, and talked for a couple of hours. Mom excused herself to get some sleep. Keisha was tired, too, and headed to their bedroom.
As I began to shuffle off to Mom’s room, Brooke said, “Jake! Come with us. Let’s go talk and have fun in our room.”
“Not so loud,” Keisha scolded when Brooke started to play music. “Grace needs some sleep.”
Turning down the volume on the music was the only hint Keisha gave.
“Hey, Big Guy, I brought ya something.” She held out a couple of Hawaiian shirts for me. “Try ‘em on.”
“Thanks.” Fashion wasn’t my thing, but coming from Brooke made them feel special.
“I have some other bikinis that I wanna show you.” I was buttoning up the first shirt, so I turned my back and let her have her space.
After the fashion show, some dancing, and a few drinks, Brooke calmed down so we could talk. Finally, we all said good night, and I left them to go to bed.
As I approached Mom’s bedroom, I saw my blanket lying outside with other stuff we had unloaded. In all the excitement, I hadn’t taken it to the bedroom. I would have gone straight in and curled up in the blanket on top of the bed next to Mom, but that look Keisha gave me earlier made me rethink it.
I’ve grown up now. I don’t need to sleep next to Mom. Keisha doesn’t need to see me like a little boy. I can sleep alone on the couch. There’s nothing to fear. They’re on the other side of their doors.
At first, wrapped in my blanket and curled up on the couch, my exhaustion told me to fall asleep. Moonlight peeked through the windows of the living room. The waves crashed along the beach. That and the absence of any city sounds made this a peaceful nighttime setting. Perfect for a restful vacation sleep. But not for me.
I was alone and afraid without Mom. I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, but I slept only a little. But all that was silly. She was in the room, my friends were in theirs, and I had my blanket to keep me safe.
* * *
The morning light was beginning to grow, and I was vaguely aware of someone coming out of their room. Brooke? I wondered. Or Mom?
Then I heard her walking toward me. She squatted down to look at me. Her white eyes shone brightly, a stark contrast to her dark ebony face in the dimly lit house.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.”
I sat up, and Keisha sat next to me. “I hardly slept,” I said.
“I heard you tossing about. I wanted to invite you to see the sunrise with me along the beach.”
I groggily nodded my head to clear it. Keisha stood and extended her hand. I stared at her hand and then at her disarming smile, wondering if she had something else in mind.
Noticing my hesitation, she said, “It’s a hand, not a promise.”
With her strong hand, she pulled me out the back door and toward the beach.
“Why did you sleep on the couch? I thought you were going to share the bed with your mom. Brooke said that is what you do at home.”
An awkward silence hung while Keisha waited for an explanation.
“Okay, she shares her bed, but that was part of the deal.”
“Deal?”
I sighed, hoping I wouldn’t have to explain, but realized I had to. “When we were on the run, Mom got me a king-sized blanket to sleep in.”
“That blanket on the couch?”
I nodded and continued. “Mom wouldn’t allow me to sleep in the bed with her, but if I wrapped myself in the blanket, I could sleep on top of her bed.”
“I see.” Keisha considered this. “And this is how you grew up? Why didn’t you get your own bed when you were older?”
I pulled my hand away and shrank inside. “We couldn’t carry around furniture, so Mom rented single-bedroom furnished apartments.”
Please don’t ask me more about the danger we are in. I shouldn’t say anything anymore.
“Were you sharing the bed or the room?”
That question caught me off guard. I panicked too much if Mom wasn’t there to think about it. “Maybe the room?”
“Let’s look at it this way. If you had to share a room with someone other than your mom, would you rather share a bed with me?” Keisha asked with a quick wink. “Or would you rather share a room with Leo?”
Perhaps the question sounded flirtatious, but I knew immediately what she meant. I didn’t hesitate to say, “Leo.” Right then, she uncovered the truth. There wasn’t any shame in wanting Mom at night, because what I craved was safety. Keisha crossed her arms with a relaxed smile, and there was no hint of playfulness.
We stood as the sun rose over the horizon, and the ocean waves washed over the beach. Keisha stepped forward to get her feet wet, and I joined her. She was smiling to herself, as if she were enjoying a private joke.
“What? What is it?”
Keisha chuckled some more. “You two yesterday.”
“Brooke certainly has lots of energy.”
“Brooke? Both of you. I have seen you two laugh and play and tease the hell out of each other, but yesterday seemed over the top.”
“How do you mean? We were just splashing around in the water.”
“Splashing around? Perhaps, when I first met you, you might have just splashed, but you two were playing rougher than that. And you appeared quite comfy and cozy in close quarters.”
“I recall that you were doing more than splashing,” I playfully accused.
Keisha lightly patted me on the cheek. “Think of it as your beautiful ebony goddess blessing your friendship.”
* * *
Mom invited me to walk with her an hour or so later. With all the fun on the beach and in the waves, Mom had only sat and watched. It was her turn to enjoy the sun and sand without being so wild and crazy. We walked along the water’s edge, where the waves would roll in and lap at our feet and legs. Eventually, we ventured out further into the rolling waves.
We began reminiscing about coming to the beach when I was a boy. I would throw myself into the waves, and Mom would laugh delightfully. Those were precious memories during a perilous time. We lived for every bit of laughter.
The wet sand was perfect for making sandcastles. We would rush to pile the sand up high before a massive wave could come and wash it away. Laughing carelessly, we started all over again. There we were, Mom and the grown-up me, sitting and playing in the sand. We didn’t laugh as much when the sandcastle was washed away, but we found joy in the life we had built.
My thoughts drifted to Brooke and how our lives had intertwined. I had to admit it felt natural to be so comfy and cozy with Brooke. Part of me wanted to hold on to her forever.
Heaven knows, she needed someone to watch over her. As her best friend, I felt it was my duty to help her through her rough times, since she wouldn't accept it from anyone else. Was it something else that I felt?
Mom was scooping up her pile of sand, and I asked, “Mom, how will I know if I am in love?”
“Where did that question come from? The sand?”
I dug deeper into the sand. “In the waves. I think I might… Well, I'm wondering if I have feelings for Brooke.”
“Would it make a difference to know that most people don’t always stay with their first love?”
My heart sank. “Do you mean that I might lose her? I’m afraid of what would happen to her.”
I lifted my head, and Mom caught my gaze.
She had a twinkle in her eye. “You won’t lose her forever. If she is the right one, your heart will lead you back to her.”
“You always go back to talking about my ‘heart.’ Can’t you give me some of your motherly advice? I need some real help here. I don’t want to screw up our friendship.”
“How does some flirty frolicking in the waves do that? Or is there more to how you feel about her?”
“I love her. I want to always be with her and take care of her.”
“Of course you do. You care about her very deeply and have a strong emotional bond. But your strong heart can bear that weight. Trust in it.”
“Why do you always keep making this about my ‘heart’? I need some of your wisdom.
She looked up at me and clasped my hand. “My heart has been broken more often than I felt I was in love. I am the last person to explain what being in love is truly like.”
“Were you in love with my father? Is he the one who broke your heart?”
Mom’s head hung down as if in shame. “I was never in love with your father. His father took me in when he learned I was carrying his grandson.”
I scooped up some sand. “I barely remember him.”
She took my hand, and my eyes were drawn to hers. “He was a good and kindly man. When you and I ran, he gave me some assistance.”
Mom started to be more emotional. “It was enough to start over, but we had to struggle. Sometimes, I didn’t know if I had the courage to go on. But then, a little boy would hug me and trust me so completely that I found the strength to go on. That little boy and his big heart helped to heal mine.”
She scooped some more sand and added it to her pile. “Some nights, I would wake up from the nightmare of my former life, and I would discover that same big-hearted boy bundled up in his blanket, sleeping next to me. I knew I could make it through the night.”
She looked up, and my eyes were drawn to hers. “You keep asking why I tell you to trust your heart to find the answers. That’s because I have relied on your heart all these years. That's my practical, motherly advice: trust in your heart, just as I have.”